Review: One Two Three
BRIEF ENCOUNTER
This week at the multiplex, a stubbornly unfunny farce that’s fixated on undergarments.
MAR 30, 2008 – EARLY IN AN ACTOR’S CAREER, when he (or she) swallows pride and takes up a part in a hall-of-shame film, you do the math and reassure yourself: Poor guy. After all, it’s not as if great roles are being written every day, and he does have to keep the home fires burning – or re-tile the kitchen, or send his kids to a decent school, or build that swimming pool, or whatever. But after the 5101st or so instance of seeing Paresh Rawal throw away his dignity in service of a (hopefully) fat pay cheque – in Ashwani Dhir’s “comedy,” One Two Three – I couldn’t help wondering if his lifestyle aspirations aren’t a wee notch higher. Is he diverting these funds towards the construction of a retirement home in Majorca? A Swiss chalet, perhaps? Or maybe he’s trying to buy out BCCI. Why else would he agree to be seen as a seller of undergarments, who can apparently guess what size bras or briefs a person wears by merely looking at them? It’s hard not to harbour these thoughts after seeing Rawal convince a size-40 woman that she should actually go for a size-42 bra. He rummages through his stock to find the appropriate undergarment, and tells his son (over the phone, when the latter asks what he’s up to), “Main behen-ji ki bra nikaal raha hoon,” that he’s taking out this lady’s bra.
As bad films go, One Two Three isn’t up there with Race. It doesn’t blow up the GDP-equivalent of Rwanda on a slo-mo fashion show pretending to be a thriller, and it doesn’t raise your expectations – even to the minimal levels that expectations can be raised by a mainstream movie these days – by roping in megawatt stars. This is a more modest failure, a low-rent stab at a Priyadarshan-style comedy-of-confusion – but that doesn’t make it any easier to endure. The numerals of the title refer to three men named Laxmi Narayan (played by Suniel Shetty, Tusshar Kapoor and Paresh Rawal) who get involved in (1) an assassination attempt, crossed with (2) a hunt for a diamond, crossed with (3) the purchase of a vintage car, crossed with (4) expansion plans for a lingerie business – and it’s Subplot Four that appears to interest the director the most. As proof, Sanjay Mishra and Sameera Reddy strip down to their undies (at different points, thankfully), Esha Deol confesses that she opted for a career in designing undergarments because she’s fascinated with the underworld (her award-worthy logic being that the prefix “under-“ is common to both), Manoj Pahwa plunges his hand into a tote bag and finds himself holding a bra, Tanishaa opts for a wardrobe that is essentially a long line of lingerie, and Suniel Shetty accidentally sprays water on his crotch and tries to remedy the situation by twisting the lower half of his body under an automatic hand dryer. It’s tempting to think what a really good physical comedian could have done with the latter situation, but let’s be thankful that at least Shetty keeps his pants on.
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My empathies are with you…by the way, why do you even have to review such a movie. Why not just write “Not worth the time, effort, ink, paper” and do away with it.
We can understand someone wanting to write a review of such a movie as someone wanting to become a movie critic but not after winning the National Award. The first few lines of the movie makes us feel the same for you too…but then again… here it is a job for you
Anon, Please don’t stop BR from watching these movies or writing these hilarious reviews. After watching such non-sensic movies his sense of humour gets really sharp.
BR, Too funny!!! Bursted out laughing uncontrollably
. Thanks for entertaining me on a Saturday morning 
)
BR: I don’t know if the Jaya Bachchan starrer “Love Songs” opened there this week (I assume it didn’t). You’d be well advised to skip it whenever it does.
It’s a serious insult to everyone’s intelligence and a big joke for anyone seeking sensible, mature cinema. It also features what will possibly be the most obnoxious performance of the year (delivered by Mallika Sarabhai).
Do you know what the GDP of Rwanda is?
when’s the Sweeny todd review gonna be up?? I luhved the movie…
Anonymous/Shoba: Sometimes it’s easier to see it as just a job…
Sid: Nope, didn’t get released here. Thanks for the warning, though I still can’t escape it if it gets here… See comment above
Raskimono: Uh, no. But I’m sure you could find out from the web.
Arun: I “luhved” it too. But no review. Sorry. Liked your illustration, BTW.
Baddy, any plans for a small obit on Raghuvaran? It’s possible that many people might not consider him imporatant enough in the annals of tamil cinema, considering its vast history and mighty contributors. I wasn’t surprised to not see many articles in the mainstream press eulogising him after he passed away…perhaps that reflects his space in the tamil film industry.
However, there are a myriad reasons why his death was a very poignant moment for me. It could be due to the fact that his career began and flourished (inspite of R’s many attempts to derail it) around the time I grew up. Despite his solo hero attempts, I feel it was “Poovizhi Vasalilae” that introduced a new kind of villain…a cold, menancing, man-of-few-words type. Even if he did get typecast, he did make tremendous contributions to make a strong impact with his typical dialogue delivery and style. He was the counterpoint to Rajni’s Baasha in so many movies. In the limited opportunities he got in essaying other characters, he did a good job in movies such as “Anjali”…
When you look back at his career, along with his abilities as an actor, the thoughts that come to my mind are all mixed emotions. He was the heartbreak express…we always knew this train would end up crashing. He was a man in constant turmoil. It’s a pity the man was not stronger enough to enjoy the world which was at his feet!
I hope he rests in peace now…
gee thanks
..but no review? 
I haven’t seen the movie but that Suniel (or however his numerologically enhanced name is spelt) Shetty sequence you described might be right out of Hitch. I’m sure the sequence was horrible bcoz Shetty definitely does not have the physi-comic chops that Kevin James is blessed with.
Macha,
Why do you waste your time on such. Won’t you consider setting a very high bar for the films that you review? I can assure you that you have a rare asset, most readers of this blog are discerning film aficionados (how’s that for modesty?!), who are yet unpretentious enough to enjoy unashamed masala fare like main hoon na.
I put this to you:
When you are going thru a particularly dry spell, why dont you just review some hidden gems of world cinema.
3.10 east of Bucharest, Nobody knows, Persepolis, to just name a few off the top of my head.
I admit ,I started of reading your blog just to enjoy a well turned out phrase or an atrocious pun. But now increasingly I feel some sorrow at seeing you waste your time and hard earned readership with movies better ignored. I understand the needs of getting the doubloons, so of course you can go ahead and send em off to your esteemed editors at the express.
But atleast online, pl consider this:
You have a trove of cinematic knowledge, and a lot of us’d be glad to be enlightened. (Those of us who are just discovering the immense variety in cinema out there, after years of having dismissed cinema as inferior to the written word. (now I am guilty of extrapolating from personal experience, but I am willing to wager there a few of us here.)) So please atleast slip in a few references to these gems, or devote some time to them.
This is a very humble request from one who admires your nuanced reviews.
brangan: Just when I was on the verge of serious atonement (despite having, until recently, banished this word from my personal dictionary) for jokingly anointing you “term-that-shall-not-be-named,” along comes this piece (of fuzzy nothingness?) featuring the word “bra” at least 5 times in its two short paras.
(And no, I’m not quite done pulling your leg!)
You’re merely telling it like it is, I know. No fault of yours if some nitwit — whose brains are out location (chalet?) scouting in Switzerland — shot a movie, which, when watched in 3-D will possibly have a brains-also-out-chalet-scouting Rawal regale us thus: sending said lingerie flying at us every which way. Now what a complete turn-off that would be, especially to every self-respecting male member in the audience…A debacle of size-42D proportions deftly averted by this review, phew! That sure was a close call for your readers, Mr. bra’n'gun (hey, howz that for an atrociously fun pun? Looks like you practically “anointed” yourself! And oh yes, do keep shooting from the hip, as always)!
B Rangan,
Let me confess that I am an avid reader of your blog. I am also completely convinced that the way you analyse a movie is way different from how others do and you add a completely new dimension to the experience of watching a movie and then reading about it.
Movies released before 2003 have gone a long way in influencing the majority of today’s cinegoing audience. A whole generation (yours truly included) grew up on stuff such as Tezaab, Khalnayak, Ghayal, Aankhen and what-not. If we watch these movies now, the experience is very different from that of the old days, when they were released.
I (and I do believe a lot of your readers will agree with me) would sure love to read your thoughts on these, when watched now. I implore you to start reviewing these yesteryear hits.
Sincerely yours.
turrtle , “Let me confess that I am an avid reader of your blog”
No offence bt you make it sound like “Let me confess that I used to snort when a teenager …
br, your assignment list is growing by the day. Tamil Movie reviews, Unreleased english movie reviews, Old Hindi reviews, even Korean ones if I rememberr right someone did request…I’m sure even your editor wouldnt have more work for oyu than wee do:-)
@Raj
The word that you are hinting at is “indulgence”, esp. since I have tons of work to do and yet, sitting in the office, I am tempted to click on desipundit.com/baradwajrangan and indulge myself.
turttle,. I know what you mean – that bit about having tons of work yet whiling away at this site
Shankar: Your comments a bit of an obit in itself. I don’t know if I’d add much to it — except that I’d mention this RC Shakti film called Koottupuzhukkal, where Raghuvaran played this lower-middle-class borderline-loser in love with Amala. It’s one of those films wher several lives intersect, and it was a decent film of this type. Plus it has one of my favourite late-period MSV numbers, Nitham nitham en kannodu inbakkanaa… I liked him in Anjali too, though Ezhaavadhu Manidhan is a distant memory.
Deepauk M: Ah, Hitch. That’s it.
grazd/turrtle: Thank you, but these posts are a function of time and editorial assignment, so… But there’s a column I’m starting soon for the paper that may be of interest.
Sagarika: I plead guilty, guilty, guilty.
raj: Yeah. I feel like I’m in school again, groaning under “homework” lists
brangan: I plead guilty, guilty, guilty. There! Now fill up coz my fountain-of-forgiveness runneth over.
…there’s a column I’m starting soon for the paper that may be of interest. What??? Column#3? I’m officially jealous!…what with my crouching on the fence contemplating that column question for nearly 6 months now: To write or not to write.
Is the column gonna be published online as well ?
turrtle: whatever’s written will be up on this blog, as well as on the New Indian Express web site.
accidentally sprays water on his crotch and tries to remedy the situation by twisting the lower half of his body under an automatic hand dryer. It’s tempting to think what a really good physical comedian could have done with the latter situation
Bean The Movie, or am I much mistaken?
Hello Mr.BR!
I have been reading your reviews and like what I read. Just a curiosity question, don’t you do Tamil film reviews? It would be nice to see your reviews and recommendations for Tamil films as well.
Thanks in advance for your response and keep up the good work.
I watched this movie yesterday. And it was funny in a silly way. I enjoyed it.