Review: Hello
DIAL B FOR BOREDOM
We keep complaining that we don’t make enough movies from novels – and then they turn out like this.
OCT 12, 2008 - SOME TWO HOURS INTO ATUL AGNIHOTRI’S HELLO (which is based on Chetan Bhagat’s bestseller, One Night @ the Call Center), my eyes – so far numbed by the tedious writing and filmmaking – began to perk up. Finally, it appeared, something was about to unfold that would not involve glib wisecracks about Americans or equally glib excursions into soapy drama. Shyam (Sharman Joshi) has been after something all through the film-so-far – and moping because it’s been eluding his grasp – and this is when he gets what he wants. But an instant later, he chooses to spurn the offer – because he wants to be a new man, and because he’d rather begin his new life without these old dreams. He launches into a fairly eloquent stretch of dialogue (for this movie, at any rate) detailing this development, and I found in myself a smidgen of respect for his character. A little later, however, he denounces his decision as mere speechifying. “Yeh dialogue sirf bolne mein achche hain,” he scoffs, and speculates that he needn’t settle for one when he can have both – a new life, plus his old dream.
You get the feeling that Agnihotri suddenly realised that Shyam, had he made good on that speech, would have turned out to be a genuinely complex character – or put in other words, a real character, from the real world, someone to whom things don’t always come easy and who, therefore, realises he has to work towards a happy ending. And such a character has no place in Agnihotri’s scheme of things, where happy endings aren’t the result of conflict so much as convenience. In fact, his entire film plays like drama for those who don’t have the patience or the inclination to work their way through real drama. It’s drama served up ultra-lite – with zero-percent depth or dimension. What could have been a fascinating look at modern urban relationships in the vein of Life in a Metro – this film, as the book’s title handily explains so we don’t have to work too hard at what it’s about, revolves around six call-centre employees on a fateful night – becomes a laughable hotchpotch of issues and situations and a bizarre self-help coda that, put together, sound awfully topical and trendy, but really have been a part of the movies ever since the screen began to speak.
A young wife (Amrita Arora) whose husband leaves her at home with a nagging mother-in-law for the long stretches that he’s away on work? An aspiring model (Isha Koppikar) who sleeps with a cad who promises her a big break? An older man (Sharat Saxena) whose son, away in America, wants nothing to do with his father? I mean, come on. I haven’t read Bhagat’s book, but a casual Wiki-inquiry told me that Military Uncle (the character played by Saxena) isn’t all that blameless, for he wasn’t happy that his daughter-in-law used to work hard and party harder – meaning, she wasn’t the ideal Hindi-film bahu, but again, a complicated real-world person – and that’s why his son broke off ties. Why not slip this into the film, then? Wouldn’t it give us something to hold on to whenever we saw Military Uncle with moist eyes? We might even have felt sorry for this old man, left alone due to his own doing. Or did Agnihotri feel that audiences weaned on Baghban would find it easier to shed tears over a senior citizen abandoned by a Heinous and Heartless Westernised Son Who Doesn’t Know The First Thing About Bharatiya Parampara?
The romantic track with Sharman Joshi and Gul Panag is similarly glossed over to the point of meaninglessness. We learn that they’ve been lovers and that his lack of upward mobility has caused their relationship to cool off – the flame is now a flicker. So when he discovers that she’s been talking to an NRI about getting married, and when sizzling honeymoon destinations (the Bahamas, Paris) are bandied about in the office, wouldn’t you expect him to show a spark of… something? But why expect dramatic showstoppers like sexual jealousy in a film that can’t even be bothered to work on its more general-audience-pleasing aspects like humour? Hello is so lazy, it wants us to buy Dalip Tahil (who plays the manager of the call centre) as a funny guy because he’s practically become a resident of the country his employees service night and day. When we first meet him, he’s throwing a baseball into a mitt he’s slipped on. The tie he wears is decorated with stars and stripes, and when at the urinal, the tune he hums is the theme from Scorsese’s New York, New York. And that’s supposed to have us rolling in the aisles?
Among the numerous cheap shots taken at the Americans who drive this industry – the ones who force Shyam to become Sam and Radhika to answer as Rebecca – is the training montage, where an instructor insists on the 35=10 rule, which says that a 35-year-old American has the intelligence of a 10-year-old Indian. And to reinforce this notion, we’re shown vignettes of a clueless American who tries to wash her bra in a dishwasher, and another who takes the top off an oven because the dish that needs to be cooked won’t fit in otherwise. Hyuk, hyuk – those dumb Americans! But what about the dumb Indians behind this movie? Who’s to laugh at, say, the scene where much indignation is expressed at the fact that the Americans call themselves the First World and label us the Third World? Someone fumes, “But that’s not right,” and Sohail Khan chimes in with rhyme, “But they’re white.” Sadly, that’s not the only attempt at profundity via wordplay. When Military Uncle attempts to send some pictures by email to his grandchild, his son replies that he cares for neither these “attachments” nor an “attachment” with the sender. It’s times like these you feel our films are made by the equivalents of 35-year-old Americans.
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Having read the novel I was so looking forward to that film - what a disappointment! Since the author of the book wrote the script as well, I thought, nothing could go wrong … Although I didn’t trust Mr. Ardarsh’s review, I trust your judgement and give up my expectations of the film.
umm…the general mediocrity of Bhagat’s writing (and as a natural extention his script writing ) should have been a clue no ? :)As also the cast
I mean , a movie with the likes of Isha , Amrita and Arbaaz should be enough to scare the hardiest viewer …
BR: All blame for this disaster lies with Mr. Chetan Bhagat. I mean, when the source material is so horrendously pedestrian, what better can one do in the film version! Everything that sounded silly to you is straight from the book. I wonder why anyone in his right mind would want to make a film on this apology of a book. I’m not surprised that Rohan Sippy had second thoughts after buying the film rights of the book.
Hyuk, hyuk – those dumb Americans! But what about the dumb Indians behind this movie? hehe
Wow, so they took a terrible book and made it into a dumb movie? Color me shocked.
Baradwaj’
“But what about the dumb Indians behind this movie?” - Well said! That was a hard-hitting review boss! I guess if Amrita Arora and Isha Koppikar feature in a movie, you can be rest assured that the movie would be terrible!
I hadn’t heard of the book until I saw the trailers of Hello.. I first read FPS,loved the book.. So went ahead and bought One night @ the call center and Three mistakes..Sadly Both sucked!
I can’t believe the guy who wrote FPS came up with soemthing as mediocre as One night and three mistakes!
Poor Agnihotri - if only he had cast Abhishek Bacchan in place of Sharman Joshi, Hritik Roshan in place of Arbaaz Khan, and ofcourse Amitabh as the old man then maybe our fine reviewer here would have given glowing reviews. Maybe Aamir Khan as God would be sureshot way to enter this reviewer’s heart. Unfortunately, the director chose theese dumbasses to act in this movie. Doesnt he know that to be called halfdecent by the #1 reviewer in India, all he needs is to recruit the bachan family or Hritik Roshan. He would have been flat with Aishwarya Rai as the model. Maybe add that girl from Rock on as the young wife. Chance missed, director, Chance missed to get a thumbs up from Rangan saab
Kripacharya: BR did not quite give a thumbs up to Dhoom 2, which had Abhishek and Hrithik and Aishwarya. Or for that matter even Jodha Akbar. While in both these reviews he did say some good things about the actors, he had many issues with the film.
Incidentally, when Rohan Sippy had bought the rights of One Night @ The Call Centre, he was actually thinking of casting Abhishek.
Aditya Pant, atleast the actors would have been appreciated in that case. Abhishek bachan has to just come out of his bathroom when suffering from constipation - and lo! his performance is a dark brooding brilliant, whatever (Sarkar series). Aishwarya Rai is beautiful alright but what can you say of someone who appreciates her perfromance just because she is so.
imo, this is just like the gossiping aunties in my native melapalayam, who apply similar analysis to Sibi Raj movies, comparing his ‘acting’ to Satya Raj and come up with nuances like he does this move in kovai brothers just like Satyaraj did in Nadigan etc. Our reviwere here does the same for Ranbir, Abhishek etc. Just because bollywood guys are better looking and wear nice dresses, the idea doesnt change. He is just like my gossiping auntie from melappalayam, passionate about movies, yes, but a joke when it comes to evaluating eprformances thro the ’son of’ prism.
Kripacharya: I might have missed something, but when did this reviewer praise Ranbir’s performance?
Ah how it enrages me to see my favourite reviewer branded as mediocre and biased.
Well whoever has problems with his reviews should understand that there is nothing like a trusted reviewer. If you trust him too much you’re killing off your personal judgement.
But nice review. And apparently, the rediff review finds the jabs on Americans quite funny.
Kripacharya??
your rant (post 8)looks like a cut-and-paste from rediff message boards.
and your explanation (post 10) raises some disturbing questions - Are you saying that Arbaaz Khan is as good an actor as Hritik? Or Sohail as Abhishek?
Or Dalip Tahil or Sharad Saxena are in the same league as Amitabh?
Or Amrita Arora is an actress of immense caliber?
Sure, the ‘big guys’ in Industry have had all the backing, but there are numerous others like them who have failed in spite of all the support, simply because they COULD NOT ACT.
Those who HAVE survived, do have ’some’ stuff.
BR,
I can understand why you decided to let this guy’s comments show up. But PLEASE PLEASE do not let this place descend to the rediff levels.
@Kripacharya - and you’re like my painful aunt from kila-palayam…who goes on and on and on and…but hey, you did say BR is India’s No.1 reviewer - not bad for a gossiping aunty sound-alike, huh?
A terrible book deserves a terrible movie. In which case, the makers have succeeded haven’t they?
Gopi: “reviews should understand that there is nothing like a trusted reviewer. If you trust him too much you’re killing off your personal judgement.” Words to be framed and mounted, my friend.
Chaitanya: As long as the comments aren’t abusive, I really shouldn’t be cutting them off. And this is still a far cry from the level of writing and/or engagment with the work in question than in the rediff message boards. And besides, this had given me an idea for this week’s Between Reviews
I would agree with BR. rediff has its own level. Whatever be Kripa’s de-merits, he gets his punctuations right, doesnt he?
Besides, Abhishek is better than Sohail Khan, yes. But by how much? Thats the question, boys, that’s the question. Extremely limited actor like Imran Khan, who, apparently, is the next best thing since,w ell, sliced bread :-). Or, was that Ranbir Kappooorrr?
btw, watched BeH finally and I have a question - is Ranbir Kapoor, far from being the new sliced bread, even anywhere better than Siddarth of Boys?
Aditya: Seriously. I went back and re-read the relevant reviews, and there’s nothing there to indicate any kind of greatness of performance. And then there are those at the office that say I don’t talk enough about performances in my reviews
raj: BTW, I greatly enjoy Abhishek’s “default persona” performances, like in the early parts of KANK and in the promos for Dostana. From the few interviews of his I’ve seen on TV, he seems to be a very laidback person with a wacko sense of humour, and that appears to translate very well to screen.
BR: I chose my words carefully. When I said this “he did say some good things about the actors”, i wasn’t talking about the performances per se. I was referring to the points you made about their look, presence, chemistry, etc.
BR, but who is the next sliced bread, I cant remember who that was!
BR, btw, what about that BGM in Movies you were going to do in Between Reviews. You know that one about the John Williams style versus the no-bgm-is-realistic-bgm thingie I had requested sometime back?
raj: OMG. I finally found out what you were referring to. In the JTYJN review, I wrote “it’s hard to see how Imran is not going to be seen as the greatest thing since sliced bread (or, at least, Ranbir Kapoor) after his charming work here.”
Did you read that as Imran IS the greatest thing since sliced bread? There’s a world of difference between both, the way I see it.
“it’s hard to see how Imran is not going to be seen as the greatest thing since sliced bread (or, at least, Ranbir Kapoor) after his charming work here.”
Why was it hard to see? Did you need a Kidnap to see that?
raj: I’m thinking about that BGM piece. Just don’t have a fix on it yet.
Aahaa. If you do getafix on that, could you throw in some Raja references. I’ve been on a BGM downloading trip of late.
depauk, downloading from where?
Baddy….Agni!!
Deepauk: The whole point of the piece is Raja. Kadavul illaama kovil-aa?
Shankar: This is what I was talking about.
Brangan: Nandri Hai! LOL @ “Kadavul illaama kovil-aa?”. If you need inspiration just listen to the AaN pAvam BGM.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=faRZISdBpJc
Raj: Ellaam coolgoose, rapidfire, mediafire sites thaan. A lot of Dharmaprabhu’s have uploaded stuff.
Deepauk M: Actually, I’d go with a BGM piece in Guna - the part where the girl tries to escape in the green Fiat and Kamal is in the back seat and she drives the car to the edge of a cliff and she needs his help to clamber back to safety? That scene. The look on Kamal’s face when he extends an arm and she catches it is the crux of the film — equal parts orgasm and religious rapture — and this is the exact moment Raja begins to unleash the carillon bells, in ascendant mode. And then the whole theme chimes in and plays out as the girl walks to safety in slow motion, and the words “Interval” appear. Oh, I’m getting gooseflesh as I type this
“Abirami sonnaa pournami thaan”. That entire movie, especially the Abirami themes total gooseflesh. Here is a link for that too.
http://www.rakkamma.com/bgm_guna.phtml
(I am an enabler par excellence when it comes to these things!)
“equal parts orgasm and religious rapture” -
Bloody brilliantly put. In the portions where he first see’s her at the temple leading up to Paartha vizhi. The prominent thing on her face is the big kungumap pottu (like in the first verse of Abirami Anthathi - uThikkindra sengathir…). Momentarily everyone else in the temple disappears while Guna imagines his Abirami is looking at him. The flute and tabla backing BGMs at this portion are pretty much what you detailed above -”equal parts orgasm and religious rapture” .
Deepak/Baddy, I couldn’t agree with you guys more!! The BGM in Guna is gooseflesh category. I love the way Raja conceptualizes the director’s vision and adds to it by having appropriate themes for characters, key moments etc.
Even in a fairly recent film like “Adhu Oru Kanaa Kalam”, the climax scene BGM is sheer brilliance. Dhanush having recounted his life story to the lorry driver who gives him a ride, gets dropped off. He is going to meet Priyamani who has been waiting for him patiently all these years (Please disregard the similarity to Yathra, for the moment). That entire sequence has a brilliant score, especially when Dhanush sees her at a distance and both start running towards each other through the woods, pause for a moment in front of each other and then embrace. The camera, at that point, starts circling them as they embrace. That whole sequence is given a whole new life by the BGM score and culminates with the main love theme of the movie!! Absolutely brilliant.
By way..I was going through your Drown-a review, and realized that you have invented a new expression for the ever-popular way of copying from Holly-Korean-European movies..
“If anything, Drona comes off as the work of a fan who wants to reimagine the very things he’s a fan of..”
So, next time your ‘favorite’ Abbas-Mastan want to copy a Hollywood thriller, or Sanjay Gupta wants to plagiarize a Korean film, they can use this new set of words instead of that over-used cliche - inspired.
When Raja was a bit down and we were waiting for him to recreate the old Raja magic, he came up with Kadhalukku Mariyadhai. The theme in the climax when Vijay and his family visits Shalini’s home, when she offers coffee to everone…man, what a BGM theme!! Faazil rightly started the movie with the song ‘idhu sangeedha thirunaalo’. It was indeed.
As good as the Mani article was (with all the references to Agni with which I couldn’t agree more), the critical part missing was the outstanding music which complemented the film supremely. I do understand the focus of that article was more on Mani however I’m still going to ask you to do the write up on the cult”est” movie of the 80s!!
PS: BTW, another movie I still enjoy watching is “Vikram”!! I treasure those memories from the past…thinking about these movies seems to transport me to those days!!