Review: Jai Veeru
MASTER CADS
Number of good-hearted crooks: Two. Number of bimbette girlfriends: Two. Number of evil villains: One. Relief upon exiting the theatre: Priceless.
MAR 15, 2009 – OF ALL THE ACTORS CAPABLE OF PORTRAYING a cool-cucumber conman, the kind who’ll hotwire a car even as a police posse sniffs at his heels, would you pick Fardeen Khan? It’s not just the looks. (Who knows – perhaps the underworld is littered with carjackers who resemble a ball of butter that’s never seen the outside of a refrigerator.) Even his attitude is that of someone who’s never done a day’s work in his life, let alone slave away as a garage mechanic (hence those lethal carjacking skills). His is the face you see in the ads in low-rent lifestyle magazines. There’s not an iota of individuality in his pampered features, but he does seem the sort who’d only have to snap his fingers before a liveried servant scurried over with refreshments. Just who’s going to believe him as Jai, one half of the roughneck titular duo in Jai Veeru?
As the other half, Kunal Khemu at least has it easier, a small-time actor attempting to convince us he’s a small-time crook. The moves are the same – the full-tilt swagger intended to conceal the faint whiff of desperation at not being able to crack the bigger leagues. At one point, Veeru wants to ask Divya (Anjana Sukhani) out for a cup of coffee, and when Jai reminds him that he hates coffee, Veeru remarks that it’s okay, because, “Coffee ke saath toffee bhi to hai.” I suppose that’s how you know you really want to be an actor, if you signed a film even after a line this appalling appeared in the screenplay (along with the opportunity to stick out your behind and fart loudly) – in the hope that the big break is just around the corner, till which time this is useful pocket money.
Of such pseudo-existential musings (and several glances at the wristwatch) is a viewing of Jai Veeru made – unless, of course, you actually intend to follow the plot about Jai and Veeru joining hands (yes, yes, like that other Jai and Veeru) in order to bring down a deadly gangster named Tejpal (Arbaaz Khan, who appears to be playing a lovesick teenage girl in disguise, considering how lovingly he records every minute detail of his daily dealings in a little journal). Director Puneet Sira is content imparting a solitary touch to the proceedings, wherein he freeze-frames an arbitrary shot (to the accompaniment of a soundtrack whoosh) and drains the colour to a pallid yellow, which gives the impression of the raw stock having turned ill at the indignities it’s being subjected to. Even a sort-of romantic interlude involving Dia Mirza and a pair of handcuffs can’t stave off the bottomless tedium.
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What, Gulaal didn’t release in Chennai?? What a mindblowing movie! Right at the top of my list this year (so far). That’s when we already have good films like Luck By Chance, Dev D and Delhi 6.
brangan :
I am sorry you had to ensure Puneet Sira ki Aag.
Of the movies released this year , which one did you see more than once ?
I know Luck by chance is one. What else?
It is a real pity that neither Gulaal nor smile Pinky released here in Chennai
That’s a bit of dysfunctional deck.
The first two number should be prices, or else the last number should be innumerable.
Yeah, i enjoy picking nits.
Hi
I think I enjoy your reviews of the films you didnt like more than the reviews of the ones you did. I sometimes wonder if it is sarcasm or anger(at having to review these third rate pretenses at filmmaking) that makes you come out with these inimitable lines. Case in point- “the full-tilt swagger intended to conceal the faint whiff of desperation at not being able to crack the bigger leagues”. Are you by any chance thinking of compiling a book? You should.
how does Jai veeru get a release in Chennai, but not Gulaal?
Any chance you will be reviewing it later?
Oops…..I meant to say ‘little Zizou’ sorry for the goof-up..
We quite often get deprived of such wonderful stuff..
Anywayz, thanks for sitting through this just to provide us some good entertainment
-I expected this from your review of ‘karma and holi’ but guess you somehow managed to like it; hope the makers of this one don’t decide to do a sequel titled ‘Ram-Balram’ if this one becomes a hit 
I do like the Mastercard tag!
And I cant help agreeing with your observations on Fardeen Khan…..he looks like he has so clearly led a pampered sheltered life, that I always find it difficult to take him in the role of a poor/struggling young man (Jungle, Love ke liye kuch bhi…etc)
And no Gulaal review?
No gulal in chennai
was eagerly waiting for your review. Awesome movie, best of the year for me
At some point after the film begins I’m sure you make a concerted decision – to write a parody review as opposed to an actual review. Reading the above piece, I had an idea (somewhat based on that article I posted before) – Let’s define a parameter and call it B-rating, given your penchant for wordplay. Define said parameter as a ratio of number of actual reviews per year to the number of parody reviews per year. We can make trend charts, compare progressions of individual industries over decades, compare between industries in the current era etc… What say?
The Normal Guy Says: I saw Naan Kadavul, Dev D and Delhi-6 a second time, and with all three, I felt the same way as I did when I wrote the reviews/articles.
Sukanya: It’s also possibly the challenge of writing a piece that actually doesn’t sound as boring as the movie does.
S: Probably not – unless it’s a theatrical release (in which case, I HAVE to do a review).
Hari: There’s a mini-review of Little Zizou here, from when I caught it at the IFFI.
Ramya: “I do like the Mastercard tag!” Thanks. It always cheers me up when my cheap puns get duly noted
Deepauk M: Awesome idea
But these parody reviews are quite rare, see? If the film is a failure because it doesn’t come toegther properly (like Karma and Holi) but it has been worked on to a visible extent, I just say it doesn’t work and point out why. Only if it’s a failure from every possible angle do I get this way. And to top it all, this is apparently a rip off of a film called Bulletproof, so they couldn’t even *remake* it well.
“Who knows – perhaps the underworld is littered with carjackers who resemble a ball of butter that’s never seen the outside of a refrigerator” – Thats priceless!
I love these reviews of yours…where the film itself takes the backseat and its your creativity that takes the lead…btw, i don’t see your articles on non-filmy non-entertainment topics…i remeber an older article on Fathers’ Day which was priceless…:-)
Hi, long time reader, delurking to ask you to review 2 movies
1. Little Zizou
2. Revolutionary Road
Would love to read your take on both of them…
yes…did “Revolutionary Road” release in Chennai? if not, you should try to catch it on DVD. it is in my opinion one of the best films of last year…unfortunately didn’t get noticed at the oscars…that does happen quite frequently though…
I was listening to Lush Life, and the liner notes made me sit up, if only in light of recent discussions here, there and everywhere. Just thought I’d quote the first few lines:
“When the subject is John Coltrane, the same adjectives are always hauled out and used over again, not because of any lack of thought or imagination on anyone’s part, but because there are only so many ways to tell the truth. Restless, probing and searching are only a few of the words that have become cliches… But how those words really apply to him only becomes clear when you stop to consider that they are never used in comparing Coltrane to another musician. And perhaps that is the key to the importance of John Coltrane. He is in competition with no one but himself.
It is important, in our society, for Brand X to be better than Brand Y, or for Teenager X to sell more records of a song about the agony of young love than Teenager Y, but to Coltran, it is important only that a tenor solo of his own be superior to another tenor solo of his own. That is a lonely and frightening position to be in, but the only valuable things we have are given to us by men in that position…”
Beautiful. Just beautiful. The album was released in 1957-58, but I’m guessing the liner notes were commissioned for the digital remastering in 1987.
You mean Fardeen Khan is in competition to only himself ?
)
Amen to that.
(ya, I just wanted to annoy you by misinterpreting deliberately
Deepauk M: I re-read your comment and I just got “B-rating.” Talk about tubelights. That’s brilliant, dude. Just brilliant.
Roxana: There’s a link to a mini Zizou review up there.
Arijit: RR did release here, but I missed it.
One tires of admiring the brilliance of your writing but this review is truly one of your best. You should really consider publishing a book of your reviews and perhaps other occasional pieces. I am often happy that ‘bad’ films are made so that I can read your reviews on them! as I was discussing with someone the other day your work on ‘bad’ films really outdoes that on the ‘good’ stuff! Because it is with the latter that your satirical or sarcastic strengths really come through. But really splendid piece.
brangan : Why don’t you review Dev D’s soundtrack . It will be interesting to see how you may describe the various soundscapes he has used and how they have impacted you.
the review was too good…very very well said!!! and is it the frustration of watching these “bad cinema” or pure sarcasm that gets those thoughts flowing !! very well written !!
Anurag comments here, right? Can’t he do something about releasing movies in Chennai!!
Ok for nyana shuniyams like me what the hell is liner notes ?
Adithya – I’d actually like to see him comment about the lack of wide release because I don’t get it. This is a movie that would work in all sorts of crowds – if Omkara could run to packed houses in NYC, then so could Gulaal. And I don’t see why this wouldn’t work in smaller centres either.
Sigh. It’s a fine day when Chandni Chowk to China gets an Ebert review and Gulaal can’t even get a release.
VJ: Liner notes
Gulaal is the movie must be seen by every educated Indian. If not released in Chennai, watch pirated version, search a torrent, but please see the movie.
The movie is a masterpiece, lyrics and music are super daring. By hook or by crook WATCH IT, not watching the movie is insult to Indian auteur team and their daredevil creative realistic storytelling.
I’m not sure if anurag will read reviews for films made by others. He commented on one review – dev d, which was his own. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t read other reviews but I get the feeling the guy is too centred on himself to worry about other movies. Or about reading baradwaj for the lit.that BR produces.
lol ..I thought they were some notes played in Jazz