DesiPundit

MumbaiGirl contends that “the one who holds the purse strings or the earning power will always be the more powerful one in a relationship“. She shares her own experience to illustrate the issues that arise even when the earning-partner is the progressive sharing/caring type.

But due to a combination of circumstances, my own great failings and the difficulties of being in the UK, I haven’t been able to find work that I am capable of doing and that pays on a sustained basis. No matter how nice A is to me, and no matter how much patience he has and no matter how much support he gives me in helping me find my feet, my own sense of self-worth is often at rock bottom. It is a bitter pill to swallow, that an educated, intelligent woman like me, once praised by her teachers and expected to do great things, has to depend on someone else to survive.

Lekhni has a good analysis of the Niketa Mehta case. She summarizes the case that has been causing controversy, lays out the arguments for and against the abortion, and presents her take:

1.  Who is more important, the mother or the foetus? The crux is, can we force a mother to:
(i) carry an unwanted foetus to term, with possible medical complications to the mother during delivery or childbirth,
(ii) endure postpartum blues, and
(iii) post-birth, force her to care for an infant that she does not want, all this just because we believe the foetus is a living creature and is therefore considered a citizen?

Sporadicblogger feels that girls’ schools and colleges allow young women to grow without the imposition of gender constructs.

In several co-ed colleges, one sees that very few girls ever occupy union positions. If they do at all, they are elected into positions that are traditionally seen as a female domain-cultural representatives, literary representatives. Seldom will one find a girl sports representative…

Sunita disagrees and hopes to send her daughter to a co-ed school.

Co-ed boys and girls in my opinion learn early to accept each other just as fellow beings destined to share the space on earth. Friends who came in from a all-girls or all-boys were generally very reserved and shy with the other gender around. Also I believe a lot of unassisted sex education happens in all-girls/all-boys school from what you hear and see.

Having studied at a co-ed school and then at an all-girls college, Chandni argues that co-ed schools help kids develop well-adjusted relationships with the opposite sex.

I think if boys and girls start to be in the same vicinity from early on, they would learn to develop healthy equations and know how to behave with each other. And they would know its no ”big” deal, being around someone from the opposite sex hopefully keeping “desperation” at bay.

What do you think?

The Mountaintop has a fascinating post on rituals surrounding death, and how death is far from being a great leveler.

Single, childless and female - You are in the lowest rung of the ritual ladder. In short you might as well have not existed. From finding the right relative to perform your last rites you pose a challenge to the system in all its glory.

Male/Female - Married - Well you atleast are qualified for something. Oh you are Married and widowed - Well your path on the route to pitr-hood is not that easy particularly if you are a female. May be a little better if you are Male. Married Male with surviving spouse and progeny - READ MALE PROGENY. Welcome to the world of Pitrhood. For you the doors of rituals open.

Sumedha discusses an interesting NYT article on declining population replacement rates in Europe.

Surprisingly, the traditional, ‘family-oriented’ countries (Italy, Spain, Greece) are doing worse than the UK, France and Scandinavia. The author, Russell Shorto, explains this phenomenon as a ‘vise’ wherein women have equal education and employment opportunities, but are still expected to bear all the responsibilities of housework and child care. France, Holland and Scandinavia, on the other hand, have mother-friendly policies, like government-sponsored child care and compulsory paid maternity leave (paternity leave too, in some countries). Fathers contribute more to housework and child care. Hence, these countries have a higher proportion of working mothers, who double the family income and can afford to have a second or third child.

Sakshi wonders why the most forward-thinking (in some ways) city in the country is so prudish when it comes to homosexuality. Pride or not, she still manages to get a look at the gay community in Mumbai.

- I often wondered where all the cute men have gone. Now I know.

- Indian men can dance. Rephrase that – Gay Indian men can dance – the pelvic thrust being an extremely popular move.

- Swapping partners, a common thing.

I hated being a woman. 10 years old and being told, “Boys can do whatever they like. But a girl’s reputation is like glass.” Twelve and my tuition teacher’s voice, “What a horrible laugh, so loud and monstrous! Look at Sonya, how prettily she covers her mouth when she laughs. And she doesn’t make a sound.” Thirteen and being admonished, “Sit with your legs together. Only a slut sits with her legs apart.” Yes, I really and truly hated being a woman.

Touching. And very brave.

Sakshi shares her struggle with her parents regarding her views on marriage. For other women who also feel that marriage is not necessary to have a full and happy life, she advises that “being selfish is the only way out”.

Basically what I am trying to say is that every time I have refused a prospective alliance, I have seen the disappointment on their faces. And sometimes there are those weak moments where you just want to give in, for their sake alone. The thing is; daughters are not considered as burdens by all (Indian) families but their marriage is perceived as a responsibility by most of them. A responsibility as a parent, a responsibility towards their girl-child and for superficial reasons, a responsibility towards the society.

Speaking of Micro-Finance, the model of many Self-Help Groups (SHGs) revolves around women using traditional activities like making papads to generate income that is supposed to slowly help in their economic development. Premasri makes the case that such a skills-based approach is just not adequate, because women cannot foresee, or adapt to changing market conditions.  She goes on to talk about what kind of training is required to develop true entrepreneurs.

Because these types of trainings teach women only how to produce a specific product, rather than how to assess market needs and then produce, women like Sunita are poorly equipped to tackle market fluctuations or competition. In other words, training Sunita with the skills required to produce papad is effectively the same as teaching her how to read / write her name, but neglecting to teach her the remainder of the alphabet. How can we then expect Sunita to read a book, unless, of course, she teaches herself?

Emma criticizes Barkha Dutt for her unprofessional article on IPL cheerleaders.

It just doesn’t strike you, does it, that you are sitting out there on this high pedestal of yours, strong in the belief that you are in an “honourable” profession that it seems totally okay for you to pass judgement on other professions that you don’t necessarily approve of? How professional is that? Isn’t it below someone to be purely judged on what you see on the outside? You see a few dances (which at the risk of over-emphasising, let me say, is their job) and you decide they are nothing but “trash”, “faceless bimbettes”; that they have nothing else to recommend for themselves apart from being “steamy, sexy and sultry”.